In Ephesians 5:22–33, wives are instructed to “submit” to their husbands, and husbands are called the “head” of their wives. There are two major views of this and related passages on Christian marriage. Within evangelical Christianity, these are commonly known as the “complementarian” or “traditional” view and the “egalitarian” or “mutualist” view. While not every point is affirmed by every complementarian or every egalitarian, this article provides some of the major lines of argument from each side, beginning with the egalitarian view.
The “Role Equality” or “Mutalist” View
Some Christians believe that husbands and wives are called to completely equal leadership and submission in marriage. When Paul calls wives to submit in Ephesians 5:22 and Colossians 3:18, it is in the context of addressing the three relationships that were commonly addressed in Roman household codes: husbands/wives, fathers/children, masters/slaves. These household structures were considered essential to the peace and order of Roman society. If Paul had called for their abolition, the fledgling Christian movement would have been viewed as a radical threat and lost crucial opportunities for the gospel to be heard. For this reason, Paul teaches each pair how to best honor Christ in their cultural circumstances while subverting the institutions from within.
For example, Paul tells masters to stop threatening their servants and remember their impartial Master in heaven. He also addresses servants before their masters, treats them as persons with volition, and tells them to obey their masters “as you would Christ” (Eph. 6:5), not because slavery was a God-ordained institution, or because their masters had a God-given right to command them, but because that was the best way for servants to influence their masters for Christ.
In Roman household codes, wives were often not even addressed; the husband was simply addressed and instructed to rule them. When wives were addressed, they were told, like slaves, to “obey.” Paul, however, addresses wives before their husbands, chooses the word “submit,” and intentionally connects it with the mutual submission that is required of all believers: “be filled with the Spirit … submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord” (Eph. 5:18–22). In Colossians 3:18, Paul likewise says, “submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.” In the Lord, all Christians are called to look to the interests of others and humbly serve them, as Christ washed the feet of his disciples (Gal. 5:13; Jn. 13:15; 1 Pet. 5:5; Php. 2:4). Paul instructs Christian wives to accept their cultural duties, but to sanctify them as Christian acts, since they are the very kinds of things that all good Christians should do.
Paul could have just as well said, “Husbands, submit,” but that would have sounded nonsensical in his patriarchal culture; therefore, he called husbands to radical, self-sacrificial love, which entailed rejecting the power granted to them by their culture, as Christ emptied himself in the incarnation to die for his bride. Such love is essentially a kind of functional submission.
Paul called husbands to radical, self-sacrificial love.
At no point does Paul tell a husband to lead his wife. While Paul says that “the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body” (Eph. 5:23), the Greek word for “head” (kephalē) commonly meant “source,” like the “head” of a river. In Ephesians 4:15–16, Paul depicts Christ as the “head” of his body, the church, in the sense of “life-giving source”: “grow up in every way into him who is the head [kephalē], into Christ, from whom the whole body [grows].”
Paul’s point may be that the husband is the social source or source of provision for his family, even as Christ provides salvation for the church, and should therefore be respected. In the highly patriarchal culture of the first century, the wife’s well-being was often completely dependent on her husband. Or, Paul may be referring to the husband as the ontological source of the wife, as he does in 1 Corinthians 11:3, when he says that “the head [source] of the woman is man” (NIV) in the sense that Eve was taken out of Adam’s side. Women should respect (not despise) men because of this creational connection, but not any differently than men should respect women, for “in the Lord woman is not independent of man nor man of woman; for as woman was made from man, so man is now born of woman” (1 Cor. 11:11–12). The creation of the woman from the man does not establish the man’s authority over the woman any more than the birth of men from women now establishes women’s authority over men. The head-body metaphor is not about the hierarchy of head over body, but about the close connection of husband and wife, who are united as “one flesh” like Christ and the church. The metaphor is meant to encourage mutual care and respect, so that husbands should also “love their wives as their own bodies” (Eph. 5:28).
When Paul does explicitly speak about authority in marriage, he promotes mutual authority: “For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does” (1 Cor. 7:4). First Corinthians 7:4 is one of the most progressive statements about men and women to be found anywhere in the ancient world. In this radically egalitarian statement, Paul undercuts the patriarchy by denying husbands any unique right to sex. While Paul did at times temper his radicalism and show a prudent sensitivity to his culture for the sake of gospel witness, he was not concerned about upholding transcultural gender roles or head-ship, but about promoting mutual love, service, and respect.
The “Male Headship” or “Traditional” View
Other Christians believe that husbands have a special responsibility to lead their families. Paul writes that “the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church” (Eph. 5:23; cf. 1 Cor. 11:3). In Ephesians, Paul does not merely refer to Christ as “head” (kephalē) in the sense of “life-giving source” (Eph. 4:5); he also uses “head” in the sense of “authority”: “[God] seated [Christ] at his right hand in the heavenly places, far above all rule and authority … And he put all things under his feet and gave him as head [kephalē] over all things to the church” (Eph. 1:20–22). In ancient Greek literature, the word kephalē almost always carried some sense of leadership. Since the head is placed at the top of the human body, leaders were called the “head” in the sense of “topmost person.” Even in the Old Testament, Jephthah is called the “head and leader” (Judg. 11:11). This meaning of “head” fits the context of Ephesians 5:23, where it is surrounded by the language of “submission.”
While Paul upholds the husband’s headship in the home because it has been entrusted to them by God (not just their patriarchal culture), this headship should not be misconstrued as authoritarian control. Paul is careful to define headship as self-sacrificial servant leadership by modeling it after Christ’s own use of authority: “Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior” (Eph. 5:23). Jesus is the leader of the church, but he led by dying for his bride to save her (the opposite of how many Roman “heads” used their authority). Husbands are the leaders of their homes, but husbands are only authorized to lead in the sense of taking loving initiative for the good of their families. In the kingdom of God, headship is not a “right” or “privilege,” but a solemn charge which brings greater accountability to God. For example, the husband is ultimately accountable to initiate family prayer, take his children to church, and ensure that his wife is protected and provided for.
Throughout his epistles, Paul grounds male headship in God’s design of man and woman from the beginning. Paul notes that Adam was made first (1 Tim. 2:3), and that Eve was made “from man” and “for man”—that is, to be his “helper” (1 Cor. 11:8–9; Gen. 2:18). This does not imply any inequality in the woman, but it does imply that the man was ultimately responsible for that which he needed help to accomplish. Even though Eve sinned first, Adam was blamed for the entrance of sin into the world (Rom. 5:12). Paul cites Genesis 2:24 and explains that when the man and woman were joined in the one-flesh union of marriage, it was an image of the union that God (the “husband”) desires with his people (the “bride”) and ultimately achieves through the one-spirit union of Christ and the church (Eph. 5:31–32). As God initiates the covenant with his bride and willingly bears her sins by dying on the cross, the husband is likewise called to take self-sacrificial responsibility for his wife and family.
Husbands are servants first.
Husbands must submit to their wives in the general sense that all believers are to “submit to one another out of reverence for Christ” (Eph. 5:21). They are servants first and leaders second. However, when Paul moves from the mutual submission of all believers to a wife’s submission in Ephesians 5:21–22, the wife’s submission has an added element of respectful deference to her husband as primary leader of the home. As God placed all things “under” [hupo] Christ the “head” (Eph. 1:22), wives are called to “submit” (hupo-tassō) to their husbands “because the husband is the head” (Eph. 5:22–23). The wife’s submission is modeled after the church’s submission to Christ (Eph. 5:24).
In a fallen world where many sinful husbands have taken advantage of their wives, the word “submit” understandably raises some red flags. However, Scripture is not calling wives to be slaves, doormats, puppets, or passengers in their own marriage. Instead, Scripture is calling wives to willingly assume a posture of respect, cooperation, and deference towards their husbands. A woman should never follow her husband into sin and is not forbidden from disagreeing with him (because her husband is not actually Jesus!), but her attitude and posture, especially in times of disagreement, is crucial to the harmony of the relationship. A woman honors Christ when she honors her “head” by being patient with his shortcomings and by supporting his sincere albeit imperfect attempts to lead his family in what is right, rather than nit-picking, undermining, or manipulating him. Even unbelieving husbands are to be shown unconditional respect, not because they “deserve” it, but that they may be “won without a word by the conduct of their wives” (1 Pet. 3:1). Biblical submission is not about weakness but about the strength of character that chooses softness and respect when a “natural” (that is, fleshly) response would be forcefulness and retaliation.
Christian Marriage In Practice
In practice, healthy marriages that uphold male headship and healthy marriages that embrace role equality are often very similar. A Christlike wife who believes in role equality does not use equality as an excuse to disrespect or control her husband. A Christlike husband who believes in male headship does not use headship as an excuse to demean or domineer over his wife. He may take strong leadership, but he does so in a meek and gentle way. When his wife disagrees with him, he does not “lay down the law,” as if it is “my way or the highway.” He listens to her, learns from her, prays with her, and together they work it out and decide how to move forward, just as a couple that affirms role equality would do. While there may be cases where a husband and wife reach an impasse, and the husband ultimately makes the decision that he believes is best for the family, these times are not a frequent occurrence.
In a healthy marriage, a wife’s call to submit is not a heavy burden because her husband has embraced his own call to die (that is, to love like Christ loved the church by dying for her). Dying like Christ does not mean fantasizing about going out in a blaze of bullets if a robber breaks in. In the daily grind, it might mean skipping golf with his buddies to spend some focused time listening to his wife’s emotional burdens, or telling his wife to go take a nap while he does the dishes and cares for the kids. All Christians agree that a husband who acts selfishly and dismisses his wife’s feelings, then asserts, “I’m the head of the home!” is missing the point in a big way. There is no excuse for pride and selfishness in marriage. Paul warns that a man who mistreats his wife is as foolish as a man who hates his own body, and Peter warns that when a husband is not understanding with his wife, it hinders his prayers (1 Pet. 3:7). Husbands who use headship as an excuse for self-serving authoritarianism will be punished by God, and wives who face domestic abuse may separate from their spouse for their safety or the safety of their children.
There is no excuse for pride and selfishness in marriage.
Whether or not the husband is viewed as the head of the home, Christian marriages are fundamentally a partnership designed for the good of the family, church, and world. God delayed the creation of Eve to teach Adam how much he needed her. In God’s plan, men and women—married or unmarried—need one another. Matthew Henry had a clever way to warn Christians against misreading the creation account: “The woman was made of a rib out of the side of Adam; not made out of his head to rule over him, nor out of his feet to be trampled upon by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be beloved.” Clement of Alexandria described marriage as “an equal yoke” (Paedagogus, 1.4), with two oxen yoked together and each doing their part to pull a single load. Godly marriages work best when both partners are striving towards a common goal: the glory of God, the good of the church, and the spread of the gospel. Christian husbands and wives should seek to be known first and foremost as partners in God’s kingdom, following the example of godly couples like Mary and Joseph, Zechariah and Elizabeth, Priscilla and Aquila, Martin Luther and Katharina von Bora, William and Catherine Booth, and Adoniram and Ann Judson.
