When many think of “the Proverbs 31 woman,” they think of someone who stays at home to raise their kids and keep things tidy while their husband leaves the home to be the “breadwinner.” Some have claimed that these gender roles (the man as financial provider, the woman as stay-at-home mom) are in fact biblical. By taking a closer look at gender roles in ancient times and in the present day, we can arrive at a more balanced understanding of what the Bible actually teaches.
Gender Roles in Ancient Times
Men and women are not the same, and male-female differences help to explain why some roles have been more closely associated with one sex or the other in various cultures. For example, the fact that males are generally stronger is one reason why men have typically been expected to go to war in times of crisis, while women have typically (though not always) been exempt from military drafts or combat roles. The fact that only females are able to bear and nurse children is one reason why women have typically been expected to spend more time at home with their children, especially when their children are young and most needy (even today, most employers offer a longer maternity leave than paternity leave).
In the Ancient Near East (the context of the Old Testament) and in the first-century Roman Empire (the context of the New Testament), most women did stay close to home with their children. Proverbs 31 speaks of a virtuous woman looking well to the ways of her household and making sure that her family is well-clothed (Prov. 31:27, 21), while Paul encourages younger widows to “marry, bear children, manage their households” (1 Tim. 5:14). However, it is crucial to recognize that ancient households were very different from modern households, and ancient women were very different from the modern idea of a “stay-at-home mom” or “housewife.”
Much of what Proverbs 31 has to say about a virtuous woman is actually focused on her contributions to the family’s business and economic prosperity.
Most ancient households were not just dwelling places; they were economic centers. Much of what Proverbs 31 has to say about a virtuous woman is actually focused on her contributions to the family’s business and economic prosperity. The Proverbs 31 woman “considers a field and buys it” (Prov. 31:16)—she conducts property assessments and makes profitable financial decisions. The Proverbs 31 woman “plants a vineyard with the fruit of her hands” (Prov. 31:16)—the proceeds from her business ventures fund agricultural initiative and development. The Proverbs 31 woman “perceives that her merchandise is profitable” (Prov. 31:18)—she has entrepreneurial discernment. The Proverbs 31 woman “makes linen garments and sells them” (Prov. 31:24)—she manufactures high-value goods and turns a profit. The Proverbs 31 woman “delivers sashes to the merchant” (Prov. 31:24)—she participates directly in the marketplace.
Even in highly patriarchal cultures, ancient women often participated in commerce, managed property, engaged in agriculture, and exercised significant public influence, especially among the wealthy or in urban settings. The idea of dad leaving the home to be the breadwinner while mom stayed behind to keep the house tidy would have been foreign to most people in Bible times. Households often functioned much more as a family unit in which extended family all lived under one roof in multiple rooms (John 14:2), dad was close by working on farm chores, and grandparents were deeply involved in childrearing.
Gender roles and expectations have always varied across time and cultures.
Furthermore, gender roles and expectations have always varied across time and cultures, far more than most modern readers realize. The ancient Scythians had women fight alongside men, inspiring legends about Amazon warrior women. Women in Sparta controlled large amounts of land and wealth. In traditional inuit communities, fathers were often deeply involved in child-rearing. In some regions of the Islamic world, weaving became predominantly male work. Pioneer women routinely chopped wood and drove wagons. The examples are endless, and at the very least they caution us to consider how much of what we think is “natural” or “right” is in fact just cultural.
Scripture and Sexist Stereotypes
Some modern Bible readers have cherry-picked verses to prop up 1950s stereotypes and assumed that the roles and expectations which they grew up with are universal standards or God’s will for all males and all females. For example, in Titus 2:5, Paul tells older women to teach the younger women to be “working at home” (KJV, “keepers at home”). Paul’s admonition for women to be diligent in the household management that was commonly entrusted to them in the first century has been used to prop up the 1950s stereotype that a “good woman” stays at home, sweeps in high heels, keeps the house immaculate, and has a hot dinner waiting for her husband when he gets home from a hard day’s work. This picture would have been completely foreign to Paul’s first-century audience and to most cultures throughout history.
While some Christians look back to the 1950s with rose-colored glasses, many women were in fact mistreated, demeaned, and restrained from using their God-given gifts. Domestic abuse was far more common, and women often lacked the legal and economic equality that was needed to escape it. A 1951 Van Heusen tie ad depicts a husband sitting up in bed while his wife kneels before him with a cooked breakfast. The caption reads, “Show her it’s a man’s world.” While many modern, extreme feminists have taken the feminist movement too far, demonizing men in general and denying male-female differences, early feminists were right to push back against sexism and seek equality under the law. There is no careful reading of Scripture which can be used to justify extreme, sexist stereotypes that every woman “belongs barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen,” and that men should not be expected to wash dishes, do laundry, or change diapers.
Adapting to a Changing World
None of this is to say, of course, that being a “stay-at-home mom” or “housewife” is a lesser vocation. The modern household is significantly different from ancient households, and each family must determine how to adapt. The now-common scenario in which both parents work while kids spend the week with a babysitter or at daycare is not ideal. We should not assume that women who choose to stay home and devote themselves to raising their children are “oppressed” or “missing out,” as if this is somehow less meaningful work than having a career. However, we must keep in mind that both first-century Rome and 1950s America are very different from the 21st-century world. Due to massive economic and cultural shifts, many couples feel pressured to both work outside the home just to pay the bills, let alone have any hope of saving up for a house. Some have taken advantage of the increasing opportunities for remote work or “telework” since COVID-19 as a way for one or both parents to spend more time at home with their children while still contributing to the family income. We should be slow to judge households that are non-traditional by 20th-century standards as people work to adapt to a rapidly-changing world.
We should be slow to judge households that are non-traditional by 20th-century standards as people work to adapt to a rapidly-changing world.
Furthermore, we should keep in mind that there have always been women who have exceeded cultural norms. The modern era simply provides far more opportunities for non-privileged women to be highly educated and to use their gifts for the good of society. Many women work outside the home but are still able to be healthy and effective mothers, especially when they have husbands who are equally committed to doing their part as fathers. These working moms are Proverbs 31 women because they contribute to their family’s economic well-being while still taking their domestic duties seriously.
In many so-called “traditional” homes, moms were expected to do just about everything with the children, and some fathers were absent or neglectful. Still today, a man who cares for his children or takes them out into public without their mother present is said to be “babysitting” his kids when in fact he is simply being a father. Scripture presents both parents, mother and father, as actively involved in raising their children and teaching them about every area of life (Prov. 1:8; 6:20; 31:1). Many modern dads have stepped up in this area, and research shows significant benefits for children in families that co-parent.
Room for Diversity
We can recognize and confront the many problems in 21st-century America without ignoring the positive ways in which our culture has shifted the focus to the unique gifting of individuals, casting off expectations that are more rooted in sexism or culture than Scripture or biology. For example, if the husband is the better cook and enjoys cooking, it is now perfectly acceptable for him to do most of the cooking. If the wife is a better driver and enjoys driving, it is perfectly acceptable for her to do most of the driving. If the husband has better aesthetic sensibilities, it is perfectly acceptable for him to do most of the decorating or to buy the children’s clothing. If the wife earned a college degree that allows her to land a high-paying job while the husband dropped out of high school and can barely make ends meet, it is perfectly acceptable for the wife to work a 9–5 while the husband stays home with the kids. If the husband enjoys hosting guests, it is perfectly acceptable for him to prepare the table and make a flower arrangement. And so on.
Not every household will look the same, and that is okay.
Women should not be made to feel like “less of a woman” or a “bad woman” or a “failure” because they are not Martha Stuart. Men should not be made to feel badly because they are not Mike Rowe. Scripture warns us “not to go beyond what is written” (1 Cor. 4:6), and so we need to be careful not to read our cultural expectations into what Scripture actually says about male and female. Not every household will look the same, and that is okay.
