The elders (also called “pastors”) of a church should be characterized by gentleness, not harsh and domineering attitudes (2 Tim. 2:24–25). They should give people room to grow, not jump on every weakness or immaturity, and certainly not seek to control and micromanage people. Furthermore, elders should act on God’s authority, only preaching, teaching, and upholding what can be read in or proven by Scripture, not spouting off their personal opinions. Each of these points is absolutely true and near and dear to my heart. But it’s not the sum total of what needs to be said.
Scripture also calls elders to confront and rebuke, even when it causes significant conflict. Blatantly sinful attitudes, beliefs, and behaviors in church members must be addressed, especially when they are harming others. This is a major theme in the New Testament. There is a positive and negative side to an elder’s job description: “give instruction in sound doctrine and also rebuke those who contradict it” (Titus 1:9–11). “Declare these things; exhort and rebuke with all authority. Let no one disregard you” (Titus 2:15). In these two verses alone, we see that it is an elder’s duty before God to:
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- Declare the truth — not personal opinions, but what is plainly biblical.
- Confront church members who contradict that truth — beginning with a gentle posture and then becoming more firm depending on the person’s sin and response.
- Authoritatively rebuke those who plainly or persistently reject that truth — still in love, but without mincing words.
- Not allow the person to disregard them — make it clear that they are accountable to the church and its leaders, and cannot blow off accountability without consequences.
In nearly every letter of the New Testament, a church leader is confronting a whole congregation or a specific person about some serious sin. Jesus did the same. In fact, if we take Jesus and Paul as our examples, elders who are doing everything right should expect to be rejected, falsely accused, lied about, verbally assaulted, and walked away from. These things are not sure signs of faithfulness, since it’s also possible to experience these things because of ministerial misconduct. But these things are certainly not sure signs of failure! I have met pastors who think that a conflict-free ministry and a 100% “yes” vote are signs of success. They aren’t. In fact, if we look to Jesus and Paul as our examples, they might just be signs of a passive, people-pleasing leader.
A conflict-free ministry and a 100% “yes” vote might just be signs of a passive, people-pleasing leader.
Sadly, this kind of passive leadership is all too common. One of my deepest disappointments and frustrations with the state of the evangelical church is that most churches today do that very thing. People come and go as they please. If someone stops coming to church and falls into sin, they might get a text that says “We miss you,” but after a few months, someone says, “Hey, we should probably take them off the membership roll.” And that’s about the extent of it.
So, why do elders/pastors so often avoid confronting things that might cause conflict? At least three reasons:
First, it’s hard. I get it. I speak often about the need for church discipline because it’s biblical and necessary for a healthy church, not because I like it. I don’t. When you love someone deeply, it hurts to say hard words to them. I also hate conflict because it makes me anxious. I was prescribed as-needed anxiety medication, and although I’ve only taken it a few times, I’m glad that I have it. There have been a few situations across my 10+ years of pastoral ministry where I’ve had to confront something that led to significant conflict, and it made me sick. In those seasons, there were times when I couldn’t eat, I lay awake at night, and my mind raced with “What could I have done better?” even though I knew that I handled the situation biblically and lovingly. It’s the worst part of pastoral ministry. But it’s absolutely necessary. Elders must have courage and a backbone to do what needs to be done, even when it’s hard and painful.
Elders must have courage and a backbone to do what needs to be done, even when it’s hard and painful.
Second, fear. Sometimes we are paralyzed by the fear of what will happen. What if this blows up? What if the person starts talking badly about us and it tears the church apart? What if this person leaves and then their family leaves? That last one is a big one. Many leaders, especially of smaller churches, are deeply concerned with numbers. Churches are declining. In many communities, there are a few big churches with impressive programs that suck up young families while the rest struggle to survive. When you only have 30 or 40 or 50 or 60 people, which amounts to about 12–15 households, losing one person or family leaves a big hole. Pastors begin tolerating more and more and more because they don’t want to lose anyone. But if we begin to act out of fear of someone leaving the church or causing problems, we are not doing our duty to God or to the church. We are acting like a dad who never disciplines his children because he doesn’t want them to throw a tantrum, or like a boss who never addresses employees who are harassing others because he is afraid he won’t find someone to fill their place. Elders need to have this firmly resolved in their mind: We will do our duty. Period. Full stop. We will do what is right, even if it means that we lose half our congregation or have to close our doors (this rarely ever happens, but the resolve should absolutely be that firm). We must simply be faithful and leave the results up to Jesus, the Lord of the church, who will be our judge, and who is impressed by real holiness, not numbers.
If we begin to act out of fear of someone leaving the church or causing problems, we are not doing our duty to God or to the church.
Third, a fundamental misunderstanding of what the church is. Most evangelical Christians and pastors that I know have an incredibly shallow and confused doctrine of the church, if they even have one at all. In their minds, Christianity is all about a personal relationship with Jesus, and the church is just an optional (perhaps “important” at best) gathering of believers that helps us along the journey. The church and its leaders have no real authority or role in salvation. Is it any wonder that most people view church as optional, opt for “online church,” or change churches whenever their preferences aren’t met?
The reality is that the Church is much, much bigger in the Bible and in God’s plan than most evangelicals have ever even begun to consider. I urge everyone to go and carefully study Questions 38–42 of the Whole Counsel of God catechism. Read all the notes and look up all the key Scriptures and historical sources. It is basic biblical, Christian, and Protestant teaching that the Church is necessary and has authority in our lives. The Belgic Confession, one of the major 16th-century Protestant statements of faith, says that the true Church “practices church discipline for correcting faults.” Every other major Protestant confession of faith affirms this implicitly or explicitly, and it’s the clear teaching of every Protestant reformer, going back to the fathers of the church, and found in Scripture itself. Confronting sin even when it leads to conflict is Church 101 and Pastoring 101.
Avoiding conflict only makes problems worse in the long run and results in a church that might be large, but will never be truly holy and healthy.
Pastors desperately need a robust ecclesiology—a strong and clear understanding of the doctrine of the Church. We need to know exactly what it is that we’re called to lead. We need to have a clear vision of what a healthy, biblical, God-honoring, Christ-exalting, disciple-making church actually looks like. We need to know exactly how Christ has ordained for his church to function. Only then will we stop leading out of fear and lead from a place of theological conviction. Elders must lead from the deep conviction that the Church must be the Church and the results must be left up to God. Avoiding conflict only makes problems worse in the long run and results in a church that might be large, but will never be truly holy and healthy.
