If you’ve wondered if masturbation is a sin, then you’re not alone. Masturbation—the deliberate stimulation of the genital organs in order to derive sexual pleasure, usually leading to orgasm—is a concern “common to man” (1 Cor. 10:13). No one should feel embarrassed to ask a trusted pastor, parent, or mentor for guidance on this issue.
Masturbation and God’s Design
Some boys and girls start masturbating at age 10 (or even younger), when they begin exploring their body and discover how it works. Masturbating feels good and provides a release for new sexual urges, which can be frequent and intense in some people. Unfortunately, the physical release of masturbation is short-lived and doesn’t address a deeper, related reason why people masturbate: loneliness and a longing for intimacy (to be seen by, known by, close to, and vulnerable with another person). God gave sexual desire to draw us towards another (initially, a potential spouse), and he gave the sexual faculty to be used in marriage in an act of mutual self-giving. Sexual pleasure is meant to deepen the bond of love between two people who genuinely care for one another and are committed to a lifelong covenant union.
The physical release of masturbation is short-lived and doesn’t address a deeper, related reason why people masturbate: loneliness and a longing for intimacy.
Unfortunately, most teenagers are never taught about masturbation or sexuality in general, except by a culture which is perverse and self-focused. Sadly, what teens hear in church is often interpreted as “sex is bad.” And in a culture where most people get married around age 30, teens face 15 or more years without any legitimate outlet for their drive for sexual intimacy. The sexual urge comes back and they masturbate again… and again… and again… but many just feel more lonely and frustrated as time goes on. When masturbation is paired with pornography or lustful thoughts (and let’s be honest—it usually is), it can bring intense shame and guilt, which drives one back to the short-lived comfort and distraction of compulsive masturbation. Some teens end up masturbating two, three, or even four times a day, often as a (maladaptive) coping strategy due to other (often nonsexual) stressors. It becomes an addiction, like taking a drug to get a temporary high and escape from the harsh reality of life (teen years are hard). What was given by God to be expressed outwardly in love fuels isolation and shame.
In his writings on masturbation, C. S. Lewis explains that sexual desire is meant to lead us out of ourselves towards another in love, but masturbation often “sends the man back into the prison of himself, there to keep a harem of imaginary brides.” Lewis adds, “This harem, once admitted, works against his ever getting out and really uniting with a real woman. For the harem is always accessible, always subservient, calls for no sacrifice or adjustments, and can be endowed with erotic and psychological attractions which no real woman can rival.” He concludes, “Almost the main work of life is to come out of ourselves, out of the little, dark prison we are all born in. Masturbation is to be avoided as all things are to be avoided which retard this process. The danger is that of coming to love the prison.”
Honesty and Self-Awareness
Christians often think that marriage will fix their problem with chronic, lustful masturbation. But it rarely does (at least not automatically). Many people get married and end up even more sexually disappointed and frustrated. Maybe they have unrealistic expectations for sex, inherited from pornography or Hollywood. Maybe their spouse doesn’t want sex as often as they do. Maybe sex is hard or stressful (e.g., if one partner has trauma in their past or health problems that make it painful). Or maybe they didn’t realize that meaningful sex would require a significant investment of time, effort, and emotional energy, which becomes even more difficult when kids enter the picture. And so some married people end up masturbating just as much or more than they did when they were single.
Some married people end up masturbating just as much or more than they did when they were single.
Christians often justify their masturbation by telling themselves, “I’m just going to occasionally masturbate as a sexual release so that I don’t let it get pent up and do something really sinful.” However, for many people, it’s not this simple. Their masturbation isn’t a calculated moral decision; it’s a compulsion. They almost always end up thinking lustful thoughts or using inappropriate images to stimulate themselves (even if the images aren’t full-blown “pornography”). They masturbate even when they don’t want to. It reflects a lack of self-control in other areas of life. They don’t have their body under control (1 Cor. 9:27) and are dominated by their urges (1 Cor. 6:12), which is dangerous: “A man [or woman] without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls” (Prov. 25:28). They feel in bondage to masturbation, for “whatever overcomes a person, to that he is enslaved” (2 Pet. 2:19). It’s more than an occasional act for when real intimacy isn’t possible; it’s a cheap, easy substitute, and sexuality has become something almost entirely self-focused in their lives. It’s a go-to means for self-soothing when they’re lonely, depressed, ashamed, insecure, or frustrated with life.
If that describes your situation, and your goal is to be a healthy Christian, then don’t just ask, “Is masturbation a sin?” Ask questions like these: What is my personal history with masturbation? Is masturbation fueling lust in my life? Do I frequently think about or look at someone who is not my spouse while masturbating? Am I spiritually healthy and self-controlled enough to choose not to masturbate if I don’t want to? If married, is masturbation hindering my pursuit of intimacy with my spouse? Approach the issue from a place of honesty and self-awareness. If masturbation is spiritually harmful in your life, be careful that you are not just looking for someone to affirm you in the practice.
If masturbation is spiritually harmful in your life, be careful that you are not just looking for someone to affirm you in the practice.
The fact is that Christians are ultimately divided over whether or not masturbation is always a sin. Some think that it is. This is the position of the Catechism of the Catholic Church, para. 2532, the Eastern Orthodox Church, and many Protestants (e.g., see articles on Desiring God and The Gospel Coalition). Others think that it is morally permissible under certain circumstances (for example, if no lust is involved, if it is not a replacement for intimacy with one’s spouse, or if one’s spouse is involved, such as over the phone when traveling). Many who think that it is morally permissible still warn that it is not prudent or is often accompanied by sin. Each person must think through the issue, seek wise counsel, and “work out their own salvation with fear and trembling” (Php. 2:12). But a great place to start is to zoom out from the question of whether or not masturbation is always a sin and consider your overall spiritual and relational health.
Practical Advice
If you are struggling with lust and masturbation, I encourage you to stop masturbating immediately. Consider it a sin for you, at least for now. Most people cannot conquer lust until they stop masturbating for a time, and many people find that not masturbating is a key to breaking a porn addiction (few people find it pleasurable to look at pornography if there is no possibility of sexual release). Consider having someone hold you accountable to not masturbate for a fixed period of time (e.g., a week or two weeks or a month), and then reassess. During that time, pursue a deeper relationship with God and, if married, with your spouse.
Most people cannot conquer lust until they stop masturbating for a time.
If you struggle to quit masturbating in a sinful way, take more radical steps to overcome lust (Mt. 5:30). For example, remove the stimuli that often leads to it. Never before has a generation been so constantly bombarded by sexually-arousing stimuli. Delete TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook from your phone if the pictures or reels are frequently arousing. Download accountability software. If you discover a “workaround” app or site, immediately talk to an accountability partner about it. Set a reasonable bedtime and stick to it (much lustful masturbation happens late at night, especially if one has a family that has fallen asleep). Memorize 1 Corinthians 9:27 and 6:12. Work hard to establish a meaningful habit of daily prayer. And if you still cannot overcome lustful masturbation after all of that, seek pastoral and/or professional counseling for help to discuss what factors (such as a history of sexual brokenness) may be complicating your struggle.
For married Christians, it’s crucial to pursue a healthy sex life that’s focused on real intimacy and mutual self-giving rather than personal gratification.
For married Christians, it’s crucial to pursue a healthy sex life that’s focused on real intimacy and mutual self-giving rather than personal gratification (1 Cor. 7:2–5). Married sex can, actually, be great. And consistent. Even with kids. And when that happens (even if it’s once a week), it’s much easier to resist the urge to masturbate in-between. But it takes effort to get there. It means working on your whole relationship. And it means that sex has to stop being all about getting your own physical desires gratified. Your spouse can’t just be a body to use or a functional sex servant, pressured into “taking care of your needs.” Because if that’s the case, then you’ll still be hungry for intimacy, you’ll still feel empty, and you’ll still turn back to masturbation (and probably pornography) to answer the ache. We’re living in a sexually broken world and we all need God’s grace (sometimes extended through pastoral or professional counseling) to cleanse us from whatever twisted ideas of sex we’ve inherited from the world.
If you’re single but hope to marry, conquer sinful masturbation now so that it doesn’t harm you or your marriage in the future. Furthermore, pursue non-sexual intimacy through deep friendships in which you seek to give as much or more than you get. Become a self-denying, others-oriented person, and you’ll set yourself up for a more satisfying relationship (sexual and otherwise) with your future spouse.
Pursue non-sexual intimacy through deep friendships in which you seek to give as much or more than you get.
This advice applies to celibate persons as well. Wesley Hill notes that “masturbation—or lust more generally—harms the celibate person too, not because it may hinder a future marital union but because it can also harm friendship. If the celibate person, no less than the husband or wife, is called to go out of himself in the love of friendship and siblinghood and in other bonds of kinship, then he also should want to guard his heart from constructing self-serving fantasies that have nothing to do with self-giving.”
Conclusion
Christian sexuality isn’t prudish or repressive; it’s about flourishing as God intended. This is why issues like masturbation must be addressed not as a simple “thou may” or “thou shalt not,” but in the context of our goal to be holy, happy Christians, as healthy and virtuous as possible, for the glory of God and the good of others.
