It’s no good claiming God said it, I believe, that settles it, if you haven’t properly understood what God said.
It’s OK to grieve, to struggle, to feel loss. Jesus joins in your grief, even at your darkest time.
Faith, not obedience, is the condition of our acceptance with God both at (Eph. 2:8) and after salvation (Gal. 2:20). Faith is the condition of our acceptance. Obedience is the evidence of our faith.